Give It Back

Ok, so I have come a looooong way the past few years of my life. God has totally dumped tons of grace, and mercy on me and I just have to say, I am blessed to be able to see it! Not everyone gets the chance to revisit the past, and see just how far they have come, but God has blessed me with an opportunity to do just that.

I recently reconnected with an old friend of mine on facebook. We had a past, a history. I never thought there would be a day where I could have a pleasant conversation with this person again, but there was. That day came this week. I was able to sit and talk with him (via facebook) and I recognized something...only God could heal my heart and allow this to happen. No offence to this person...(he may or my not read this), but I have never had my heart broken like I did with him. I had HUGE plans with him, we were going to get married, raise a family, he was everything that I wanted at that time in my life, he was there when my son was born. But, I just knew that deep down in me, no matter how much I wanted it...I didn't want it if God didn't want it for me. So, I prayed, (something I didn't do too often back then) yep, just prayed, and God listened me. I didn't have to change on single thing I was doing. Didn't have to go to church, give money, read the bible. I just prayed, sometimes I didn't have words, just feelings, and God heard those too.

I wasn't able to see just how he listened to me until this past week. 9 years later. I've known all along that this person was not a bad person, or a jerk, but the things he did still hurt like hell. It took me at least a year just leave the house and talk to people again after that. But in all of that pain and heartache, God was still there, listening, hearing my prayers, working on something better for me. When we talked, God confirmed what I already knew. I have forgiven him, completely and totally. NO strings attached. It even seems like we are going to be able to maintain a friendship. Never in my wildest dreams did I see that happening, but it is amazing what can happen if you let God in. Not only did the hurt get healed, but I am now able to have a friendship with someone I still care about.

I knew when I met Matt, that he was different, that he was something special, but I continued to pray. My relationship with Matt, I put in His hands too. And he did amazing things with us. He has blessed out marriage in ways that I don't even know about yet! I am still amazed at how we are still totally in love. We still act like teenagers.

Bottom line, put God where he wants to be, in control. Give him his job back.